Canadas economic stimulus package

Jim Warman · October 17, 2009

Sometime this year, we taxpayers may receive an Economic Stimulus payment.

This is a very exciting new program. I will explain it using the Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?

A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?

A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?

A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the Canadian economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China .

* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.

* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India.

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, Chile, California and Guatemala.

* If you buy a car, it will go to Japan or South Korea.

* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.

* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in Canada by:

1 spending it at yard sales, or

2 going to ball games, or

3 spending it on prostitutes, or

4 beer or

5 tattoos..

(These are the only Canadian owned businesses still operating in Canada.)

I'm going to go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that I met at a

yard sale and we're going to drink beer all day!

Jeff Adema · October 17, 2009

Agreed, except which beer will you consume? I'd prefer to swill some Alberta Premium Rye Whiskey, surely I'll be supporting my local economy, farmers and all. And when I wake up in a ditch, being helped into the back of a E-chassis ambulance by the local EMT's, they'll surely also hand me a bill for said services, and I'll compound my support of the economy. The trickle down effects are endless.......

LARRY BRUDZYNSKI · October 18, 2009

We got one of the "Stimulus" packages a couple of years back and all it did was 1 of 2 things. Me I put mine in a government bond. I'm making very little off of it but it seems to be safe for now. The other thing was to pay bills with it, usually credit cards but the interest is killing people anyways. And the banks/bancs seem to be getting more money for their poor performance anyways. The only ones really benifiting from it seem to be the banks/bancs......

Who else can add???..............